Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enou gh to talk to God.

>>Looking up, he asks the Lord. . . "God, what does a million years mean to

>>you?"

>>The Lord replies, "A minute."

>>Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

>>The Lord replies, "A penny."

>>Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"

>>The Lord replies, "In a minute".

>>

>>------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>

>>A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.

>>Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She

>>sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I

>>should do?"

>>"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me,

>>exactly where is Larry's bar?"

>>

>>------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>

>>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has

>>been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "Maybe, but you

>>will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on

>>you."

>>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

>>

>>------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>

>>John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request,

>>dear," he said.

>>"Of course, John, " his wife said softly.

>>"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."

>>"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.

>>With his last breath John said, "I do!"

>>

>>------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>

>>A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to

>>hi s hotel.

>>When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever

>>made love to?"

>>She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might

>>be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."

>>------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I

>>have to talk to you about it."

>>The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

>>The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

>>The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

>>The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,

>>what should I do?"

>>The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I

>>can find out and I'll let you know."

>>A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your

>>wife. I sp oke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

>>The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied, "Take the poison."