One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is

it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference........

If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.

If it is an Air Force Plane, it is 1500 hours.

If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.

If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is

on the 3.

If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to

"Happy Hour."

********************************************************************************

*************************

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back

road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at

the wheel

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "yours

is."

********************************************************************************

*************************

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at

his desk when an airman knocked on the door.

Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told

the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing

him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank

you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he

asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your

telephone."

********************************************************************************

*************************

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"

"Soldier,. do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

********************************************************************************

*************************

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?

A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?

A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?

A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

********************************************************************************

*************************

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the

barbershop.

They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers

reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think

I've been in a whorehouse!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife

doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

********************************************************************************

*************************

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I

suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for

me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never

going to stand in line again!"

********************************************************************************

**********

The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.

At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.

"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked

sarcastically.

The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection"

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in

France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day

in '44, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."

Loved them. Got a good chuckle this afternoon. Especially liked the one regarding the colonel and the telephone.