Marion, so sorry for the loss of your friend Ben.
As to the "false friends".., someone once told me
that "all life is like high school" meaning that lots
of people take the same dopey attitudes with them
into adulthood.
There's quite a few examples I could give from my own experience,
but I think this one is the best (and it might make you chuckle):
There was a girl named Anne that I went to Junior high & high school
with & she was very smart & pretty & seemed to always be so perfectly
dressed (she had Pappagallo handbags & matching shoes - remember those?).
Though we were in the same accelerated classes in school, I always felt
2nd rate compared to Anne. I'd start off for school looking ok, but would
have runs in my stockings and droopy hair by 3 o'clock - while Anne
would continue to look pristine ( she even had an all white bedroom
and a white cat).
If I'd done something worthwhile in Anne's eyes - like having a poem selected
for the school paper or recd praise in one of our classes - Anne would
seem more interested in having me as a friend. Eventually, I began to realize this
& also that no matter how much time you spent in her company,
you never felt that you knew her any better. Somehow, you could never
feel close to her. This was quite puzzling to me & I also wondered why
lots of guys would ask me out, but no one ever asked her out since
she was so pretty and so accomplished (at 17 she was cooking & hosting
squab dinners for 20).
Anyway, years after we graduated, she wanted to have a gathering of "old friends"
and I suggested we go out for pizza & beer ( apparently I have plebian tastes).
She was having none of THAT & said that she would make a homemade gourmet
dinner for all of us at her house ( her house always looked like no one ever sat
in any of the furniture & that someone was gonna come to the door any minute
for a Better Homes photo shoot).
A few hours before the party, Anne called & asked me to bring a pastry bag &
mocha beans. My friend Marilyn was with me & I turned to her in a panic because
I didn't own a pastry bag & didn't know where to locate mocha beans for coffee.
In Marilyn's usual deadpan, she said: "Hold on a minute kiddo, I must have
a pastry bag in my purse. Tell Anne to take her mocha beans and stick them....
(you can guess the rest).
Anyway, I came to the party sans pastry bag & mocha beans but with a
nice hostess gift. I was so pleased to see everyone & felt wonderful because
everyone seemed especially delighted to see me. Anne, however, was NOT
a happy camper. She spent the whole night in the kitchen creating her gourmet
repast with exotic desserts, while we were in the living room laughing & talking.
Throughout dinner she kept repeating that we could've had mocha coffee if
"MARY ANN hadn't failed to bring the mocha beans!". I wanted to sink under the table
in chagrin, but thank God Marilyn kept pinching me & whispering :" Tomorrow we
will get a truck with a ton of mocha beans and dump em on her front lawn!".
IN the end, I came to realized that Anne needed to be the center of attention
and compete - while I just enjoyed people and was content to be myself.
What a turn around to realize that I was far more fortunate than she.
"mocha beans" still makes Marilyn & me laugh!
Count your blessings M1 - maybe this was someone you really did NOT want to
know!
Periodically, Anne would call me & ask if I wanted to go along with her & some
friends "antiquing on the Vineyard". Fortunately, I'd wised up by then & would
answer without hestitation: "Geez Anne, I'm too poor for THAT!". When I
hung up the phone, I'd grin & think: "Thank God!".
m2